relections and soul searching...

I wanted to post this a few days ago, but haven't been able to find the time...  I mentioned in my last post that my good friend Louanna and I had a great chat when we visited last.

I am sure if you've talked to me or read my blog for a while, you can probably tell that I've been struggling with some aspects of the "new me".  I am feeling more comfortable in my skin, but my head is a foreign place to me.  I have noticed some changes in my feelings towards different things, and some of the changes have made me worry a bit.  I've been trying to put my finger on what's happening to me for a while.  I notice the differences mainly at work, but in other areas, too.  I think to myself that if I notice these differences, surely everyone else does too, right?

I have had a weird couple of months at work, so I have just chalked my "weird" attitude up to maybe some bitterness or maybe some burn-out.  I don't seem to have as much patience for people and I don't have nearly the "Light and Fluffy" I am used to. 

Louanna was able to help me sort thru some of these feelings in a way that totally "clicked" for me.  You see, for a long time I fit into a specific "box".  My adjectives were things like "Outgoing", "Accommodating", "Generous" and "Over-extended".  I used to care entirely too much about what others thought of me because I got my sense of value and worth based on what other people thought.  I would get great feedback from people.  People would pay me the nicest compliments and I would feel good about myself based on what they said.  I am happy to say that I am now able to see my worth all by myself.  I feel wonderful about all that I have accomplished and all that I am working towards and I don't need as much feedback or praise from others to feel ok with me.  So I find that I don't try too hard to make people like me.  I have the best core support group ever with some amazing friends and a wonderful and loving family and the most supportive husband!  Those people's opinions mean a lot.  It's important to me that my relationships with those people only grow stronger, but as far as "acquaintances" and everyone else, I find that I am not nearly as accommodating with them.  It's an adjustment for me, so I am hoping that I can embrace the new me.  As Louanna said, I just have a new set of adjectives and I just fit into a different box.  Not a bad box, both boxes are good.  They are just different. 

I am, for now, feeling a little less "crazy" and a little more empowered.  Thanks for letting me get that out and if you are still reading, thank you!